Chance

Every time that I want to start writing a blog post, it would start off with a few sentences. If it's related to the topic or not, I can't remember. But I do remember this.

I will get distracted and do other things.
I will get lazy and just delete the post entirely.
I will get a writer's block and also delete the post entirely.

Right now, I just need to release. Before time reaches its final hour and I get lazy again.

I'm not a person to write about daily events on my blog, but thoughts or worries that linger in my mind or something that touched me.

Right now, it's impossible to write down everything I've felt for the last several years. If I could describe it, it's a giant tidal wave of emotions; pain, joy, hurt, regret, happiness. We should have been destroyed long ago.

Right now, I can't help but feel helpless.

Maybe time can't heal everything.

But I'm not ready. I'm not ready to lose everything.

Lord, I ask again, I plead.

God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference.

I wrote that post several months back, and wonder what made me write this. If I look back even further, I realized my past was a complete different person. I didn't even recognize myself.

There are several things I find interesting, why we feel this way and how we react to it. Different people are open to different things and the way they act in defense to the threat is also different. But this is based on my own views.

The things I regret, sometimes it's hard to let go. As humans, it's nature to cling on to something dear from the past and hope it will reemerge in a different form. We go as far to creating the form of the past.

We desire being pleasured and we're afraid change might take it away from us.
Most of us stay in this rut until it's too late.

I learned that being hurt isn't something we all look forward to, nor is it something that we all want to experience. But as a reminder to myself and to others, it will eventually change us. For better, for worse. Take a step of precaution never to repeat the same mistake twice, stupidity in any form never helps us.

"Regret is a strong desire to change the past. But why bother when you can't?"

I used to reply, 'I need to feel this way. A punishment for all my wrongdoings.'

Secretly, I needed to feel sorry for myself.

Songs are so much more than something to express your feelings. For myself, it's a message of encouragement.

Below is one of the songs that I dearly hold close to my heart to remind me it's okay to fall sometimes. Forgive and forget.

I used to be able trust people.
Someone abused that trust.
The result is now I don't trust anyone. Everyone lies.

Now it's time to get over this,
Long as it's clear you understand,
That I will never trust a single thing you say again

Hope For Every Fallen Man (Acoustic)
Relient K

As you push it up through the soil,
I will shake your filthy hand.
You may be dead to me but that don't mean we can't be friends.
Now it's time to get over this,
Long as it's clear you understand,
That I will never trust a single thing you say again.

You stole so much from me and there is nothing left to take,
Save a hard learned lesson on how to not make the same mistake.
And you may be delirious but that is something that will fade,
After you confess that this mess is all something that you made.

Oh, because the judge of you is someone I could never be,
Is why you should thank the Lord that it is Him, and it's not me.

But don't give up, it's not the end.
There's hope for every fallen man,
To pick themselves up when they think they can,
Because with every passing second comes a second chance

Take a good look at yourself and know,
You've got yourself ways to go.
But difficult is not impossible,
You can take back all the lost control.
Take a good look at yourself and see,
You'll emerge eventually.
As long as your heart's not too far gone,
From the only thing that can save you from yourself...

Forgiveness can be given when you think it can,
'cause with every passing second comes a second chance.

Above all.
It shows we can overcome these things if we really want to.

I'm tired of being a burden to myself.
I'm tired of being a burden to others.
I'm tired of being a bystander.
I'm tired of being emotionless.
I'm tired of trying to be what I am not.
I'm tired of trying to please everyone.
I'm tired of seeing my friends hurt each other.
I'm tired of seeing things I know I can change for the better.
I'm tired of hurting the ones I love.

Life and history
Repeat and I
Will see visions vividly
Of how everything will end the same
Is this everything that you've hoped for?
Is this everything you've dreamed?
Well I want it to be
If the real point is seen.

Most of all.
I'm tired seeing myself fail repeatedly to stay faithful to my Lord and Saviour.

So in this hour
Everything I do
Will be all for this moment
Everything's for you
My heart is open
And willing
So take it

I'm ready.